Dear Family and Friends,

I am so thankful to have been afforded the opportunity to serve God’s children here in Jamaica. There have been numerous challenges and moments of great grace. Through being here I have come to love the mentally disabled population in a way that I never would have been able to experience had I been closed to the idea of Jamaica. Up until this time I was always a little cautious around them as I had some scary experiences when I was little with some mentally disabled people. Working with the residence within Mustard Seed I feel as if my heart has grown so much bigger and I truly love them. Before I came I meditated on the words of Our Lord to St. Francis Assisi in working with the lepers.

"Francis, if thou desirest to know My will, thou must despise and hate all that thou hast loved and wished for till now. Let not this new path alarm thee, for, if the things which now please thee must become bitter and distasteful, those which now displease thee, will become sweet and agreeable."

It is with much joy that I can say this has been the case with me. This specific population within our world has become most sweet and agreeable. I never would have been able to have the strength to do the work I have been doing without all of your prayers. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I also have been able to learn a lot about living in a third world country and how different people can be around the globe! I have been faced with being stereotyped on a daily basis which has widened my perspective and giving me insight into the many who immigrate to the United States.

In being here I have been able to more fully realize my own mission I feel called to by the Lord. As surprising as it may be to many people back at home I am so fulfilled and at peace with the idea of working with the disabled for the rest of my life. I have been discerning the Lord’s will for me and what would be most pleasing to him, desiring always to say Fiat, whatever that will may be. As I worked with the residents here I began to search online for an occupation that I could have while working with the disabled. I found Occupational Therapy. After researching I realized that this would be ideal for my personality and future work with the disabled. Days after I came to this decision Angela Langer, who is an OT, came back to Mustard Seed. I was able to spend time talking to her about her experiences in Occupational Therapy and see the wonderful work she has done here within Mustard Seed. I found a program that offers a Masters in Occupational Therapy which starts in the spring semester of 2009. There is one class that I would have to take as a prereq in the fall however. I have prayed about this decision and have been able to talk to my spiritual director over the phone. I am planning on pursuing a degree in Occupational Therapy so I can continue the mission the Lord has set me on. I am so thankful that he has opened up so many doors during this short time and giving me a sense of fulfillment.

I'm coming home tomorrow to begin to acclimate back into my own country and prepare for the upcoming school year! I hope you all have enjoyed my blog, after I get back I still might send out some pictures and stories, we'll see what happens. Once again, thank you all for your prayers and I can't wait to see everyone!!

May the Peace of Christ be with you,

Angela Santoro

Another Typical Work Day

Holding baby Nathanial and short term volunteer Michael holding yet another "Kemar".



One of the favorite parts of my day - helping to feed the children.


Just loving.
Janell and I

















Working on Coordination through the hand slapping game.

I love this one!

More Group Therapy.

Our children spend an hour everyday in front of the Eucharist - this is one of our nicest chapels.

Kingston Transportation

What can I say? Horns honking all the time. Taxi drivers shouting out the area they are going to. People grabbing your arm to try and pull you to their taxi. School children all over the place on the buses, holding each other's backpacks out the windows of moving buses, yelling for an hour straight. Fitting eight people into a five person vehicle. Sitting on strange people's laps. Having strange people sit on your lap. Putting your arm up around someone you don't know because it won't fit anywhere. Sweat, reggae, R&B, close shaves with other automobiles. Street fights between taxi drivers as they try to "steal" passengers from each other. This is all part of Kingston living when you use public transportation. The following video put up on youtube.com by a short term volunteer we took around doesn't show it all...but it gives you a little of the flava'! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rm1IM1At88

A Typical Day in Jerusalem in Pictures

Giving Kemar a chance to hold Raven.













Art Therapy with Kemar Barrett and Vinroy.

Andrew Barrett- one of Kemar's three brothers.



Jason and Kemar hanging out.











Shameeka


Getting together with some of the Little Angels students before rosary. The tall boy on the left I like to call "birds eye" because he is so tall!



Jason patiently waiting for my leftovers from lunch.


Althea, better known as "Ziggy", helping out with the laundry. Some of our sheep in the background.







A higgler outside of our gates. This is one of the nicest shops I have seen.

Julette has been at this location for 16 years.


















Shantal drawing pictures for me during school break.




Shaunette learning how to trace her name over my dotted lines.


My boys, Rasheed and Lorenzo. The staff laughes because everyday they can find me sending someone up in the Mango tree and sitting around with the boys eating the mangos. I like to tell them it falls under the category of group therapy. :)


I love how the kids help each other in the ways that they can. Everyday around 11:30 "Bird's Eye" and Nyron Barrett come by the room I sit in sometimes on their break and call my name out. Nyron is another of Kemar's brothers.


Nyron Barrett and "Bird's Eye"

A Sweet Story

This young lady's name is Mary. She is in her teens and as far as I know has been at Mustard Seed since she was a toddler. I love to sit next to her at Mass on Sundays. She is so exuberant in praising God through the music and being attentive during Mass. She has a speech impediment so it is hard to understand what she is saying but after you spend sometime with her you begin to catch on.

Two days ago I went up to her and asked her, "Mary, where is Jesus." She got a big grin and just laughed at me. Still I insisted, "Mary, WHERE is Jesus??". She stood up and took my hand. She waved her free hand around Sophie's Place and said "Look! Jesus is everywhere!"
"Jesus, is everywhere Mary? SHOW me! Show me where Jesus is."
Keeping a firm grip on my wrist she walked me to the first cottage where our children were sitting in wheelchairs and pointed inside.
"Jesus. Jesus - in there."
"Really?? Jesus, is in there?"
"Yea!"
She pulled me to the next cottage and pointed inside at the children.
"Jesus. Jesus right here!"
"Wow, Mary! Jesus IS everywhere"
She was laughing as she said "yea!"
As soon as we got through all the cottages she said
"Come on!" and pulled me to the church.
"Jesus is here." she told me.
"well, show me!"
She smiled and opened the door, walked through the church and drew me the side room where we have the eucharistic chapel. She stopped outside the door.
"Jesus is in here."
"Mary, show me..."
She pulled open the door and walked up to the tabernacle and laid her hand on the door.
"Angela - Jesus is here." She turned around and went to sit in a chair in front of the tabernacle. As I sat next to her holding her hand I felt such overwhelming grace in that moment. How Jesus must love these little ones.

Let The Children Come to Me!

"And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands upon them." Mark 10: 13 -16

There are so many things I could talk about, I don't know where to begin. The past two weeks have been very good in terms of working with the children. I always say children but we have all age ranges. But they all seem like children to me because that is how we treat them, as our children.

One of the things I don't think I have mentioned before is that on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday when I work in "Jerusalem!" I have been leading the children from the school in a decade of rosary for prayer before lunch and teaching them about the different decades. The children consist of higher functioning residents with disabilities and our Dare to Care kids. I always think it is awesome to see them coming in and out of the chapel. The residents that can walk and the Dare to Care's help to wheel the children in and out. At the end of prayer time all the children sing and then the ones in the wheelchairs come out first and the ones that can walk have to wait until they are gone to go running out for their lunch. This picture is so beautiful to me for so many reasons and also seems to embody Christ's word's - Let the children come to me!

When in Jerusalem I have been taking small groups of children to engage in group therapy with. Basically I just try to make them laugh at me or the world around them - whatever it takes. I divided the groups in terms of cognitive development and ages. Each group needs something a little different and some children are MUCH easier to make laugh than others. Depending on the group we play "Go Fish", concentration (which I love to play because I always win), practice skipping, sing songs, do the Hokie Pokie and Heads and Shoulders, read books, draw with crayons, play with blocks, and pretty much whatever else I might feel like doing that day. Its a hard life. :) I usually do two groups on Monday and Tuesday.

For the past two weeks I have been helping the caregivers feed the children. This was something that I viewed as the hardest thing people did around here when I first came. However, having really entered into the past two weeks, it has become the most enjoyable time of my day. Each child is completely unique in their physical ability, this of course plays an effect on how well their muscles will be able to work together for what I have learned from the Occupational Therapist here as the three phases of the swallow. I never thought about swallowing before but for our children it is a crucial thing to know about them. Sadly, many children have died in the past because they have inhaled food into their lungs due to the fact that their bodies are not well coordinated enough to do what our bodies do naturally to keep the food from going down into our lungs. It is crucial to understand how to best feed each individual as aspiration pneumonia is the leading cause of death for our children. I would love to go into the three phases of swallowing but I want you to continue to read through my blog. :) So, I'll spare you. At any rate, there are many different things involved in feeding such as body positions, massaging of the jaws and food consistency, to name a few of the aspects.

I have been truly blessed to have made the friendship with Rose since coming to Jamaica. I have mentioned her before, she is another volunteer from Holland. Rose and I keep each other laughing and we have been enjoying life in Jamaica as best we can. Whether it is through city bus windows, through the children, or as in a recent weekend traveling to Montego Bay for a couple days to get out of Kingston. She has made my life so much sweeter here by her enthusiasm, high spiritedness, kindness, and laughter. The trip to Montego Bay was a blast. The journey was almost better than the time we spent there. I specifically wanted to go to see a friend who has been working in Jamaica but was leaving to visit his family and Rose was going to spend time with one of her friends. We separated once we got to Mo Bay, but both of us enjoyed our time. I didn't even go anywhere. I just relaxed and hung out with my friend, Sean. It was great! Like I said though, the trip was a riot! We stopped so many times on the way there to taste local food and take pictures. The trip distance of the trip can be judged as either five hours or eight courses. We didn't eat an entire meal the whole day but we ate roadside food the whole way there. Local river shrimp, fresh corn, pineapple, grapes, coconut water and jelly, fish. We are so blessed to have a good friend like Noah who was willing to take us all they way to Montego Bay and back. We also drove through the world famous Bamboo Archway of Jamaica. It was pretty incredible! You can see Noah taking Rose completely off guard below in the archway! The view of Montego Bay from the place I was staying at, the countryside on the way home, and typical roadside stalls.

The Christ in You

"I'm going to look twice at you
Until I see the Christ in you
When I'm looking through the eyes of love." -The Waterboys

My cousin Luke shared this song with me - it is a three minute song with violin as the only instrument and the lyrics are what is written above. I love to listen to this song here. I love to listen to it as I look at the pictures of the Mustard Seed Children.

I am feeling a lot better. Today I went down and played with the children that live at Sophie's Place with me. I wanted to share some of the shots with you. I've tried to be slow in putting pictures of the children up because I am hoping that when others view these photos they will not merely see children with severe disabilites but will see the best friends I have made here. They will see the individuals I have spoken about, the ones that make my days worth it. The children are joyful, full of life and love, and happier than most people on a consistent basis. The lyrics to "The Christ In You" is how I want these children to be viewed - as the body of Christ.

Persevering in Paradise

As the days pass I think about coming home more and more. In some ways I know that I have not been here very long, in other ways this feels like the longest two months of my life. At times it is hard imagining making it through one more day let alone another month or a month after that. This past week I have been sick and unable to work. Even if I wanted to muster up the energy to travel on city transportation to work it wouldn't be wise to bring even a bad cold to mothers who are expecting or have newborns or kids who have such a low immune system anyway due to HIV. It has been one long, boring, homesick week.

Even so - living here is not easy. I knew it would not be easy before I left. I had been in Jamaica before, I knew what I was getting myself into. I have found that some of the things I thought would be hard are not hard anymore. Due to a couple scary experiences when I was little I have carried with me a reserve towards the mentally disabled population. I didn't feel comfortable around them and imagining coming to Jamaica to work with large groups of them kindve terrified me but I was willing to jump into it anyway remembering the words Our Lord gave Saint Francis.

"Francis, if thou desirest to know My will, thou must despise and hate all that thou hast loved and wished for till now. Let not this new path alarm thee, for, if the things which now please thee must become bitter and distasteful, those which now displease thee, will become sweet and agreeable."

Shortly before his death he declared that what had seemed to him most bitter in serving the lepers, had been changed into what was pleasing both for soul and body; and all those who strive to overcome themselves for the love of God feel, as he did, that the severest practices are soon softened down by the unction of grace. http://www.catholicforum.com/

I am amazed to say that I have experienced this here in Jamaica. I have found that I love working with the developmentally disabled population, particularly the children here. I realized that this is something I can actually imagine myself doing as a job and enjoying it. Before I came here I would be amazed by people that worked with the mentally disabled population and said they loved it. I didn't understand and I thought that it required a pretty amazing person who was able to do that. Now I know that it just requires a person who has a lot of love to give and takes the time to get to know each person with disabilities as an individual. Because in turn, each one of them has a lot of love stored up within them that they are yearning to exchange with you even if it is only through the eye contact they can make. This perhaps has been the biggest gift I have received from being here. Having my eyes opened, my heart touched, and hope for my future.

As far as living in the culture of Jamaica: it is as I expected. Very hard. I knew that it would be hard, and no amount of preparation could teach me that although I read up about the culture and tried to understand it as best as I could before I came. Everything is different here. Everything seems more difficult. A society does not become this violent over night. Everyday I see school children throwing rocks at each other as a way of dealing with their anger. The threaten to beat each other on a regular basis over little things as I ride home from work. These kids are the same ones who I see being hit by adults on the streets, or the ones you know are being abused at home. When do they change from the darling little toddlers that know no fear of strangers and will jump into my arms to the angry eight year old that will say inappropriate things to me as I pass by? And I live with the results of their upbringing every day as I witness the ways men and women relate here and in turn relate to me.

Today I went to the Doctor since I have been sick for a week. He gave me a prescription and hopefully I will be feeling physically healthy again soon. Hopefully by Monday I will be riding the city buses again so that I can spend a few hours loving children that will never have to experience that type of violence again since they have come to Mustard Seed, often as a result of it. Sure, Mustard Seed has its own problems, and the society definitely pervades even there. But at least I can love those children. At least I know they are being fed regularly. And for the most part they are not being beaten. And they to can learn to love again. Some, many, may never trust people again. But slowly....ever so slowly they are learning to trust my arms and my hands not to hurt them.

After getting home I walked down to the river right below Sophie's Place, where I live. I sat on the rocks and stared into the water. I laid back and listened to it rushing over the rocks and imagined I was next to just any river. You can't hear the constant noise down by the river. I wondered how much longer I can do this for. And the answer is - I don't know. I will go until I can go no more. I will go until I need a break. I will go until I can't go for one more day. And that day might be soon. Maybe it won't be for many more months. It is hard to know. Regardless, I know that I loved children. I learned lessons about the world and life that I never could have understood if I had never come. I have learned about myself.

I needed something just for myself. Something no one else might understand, but something that would make me happy. So -I looked around and not seeing anyone slipped under the cold cold water and let my hair down. It was so silent. So serene. I came back up and took a deep breath. I let myself fall under the water again and again. When I pulled myself up on the rock I took a deep breath. I can do this for one more day. I can do this for the next week. I can do this for as long as I can do this. And I don't know how long that will be. But at least for the next week. And I pray the living waters are flowing over me even if I don't feel them here. And I pray you are all praying hard for me. Because when I love them, you are loving them with me. You - the body of Christ for me. You - the living Eucharist for me.

With love and hope for the future, Angela Grace

The Ways I Mark the Passage of Time

I have been here for awhile. I can tell this through a small series of events. The first is that I have finished a whole tube of tooth paste by myself.

Secondly, while walking down the street the other day I got called out to. Which is not at all surprising here, the surprising thing was instead of hearing "Yo! WhiTIE!" I heard "Yo! BrowNIE!" Wait...what? Really? I got called brownie?? I looked around...yep, I was the only lighter skinned person in the area. Usually, to be called whitie, or even to be yelled at by people that don't know me at all irritates me a little but it comes with being a fair skinned person living here. Although that irritation was still there, and I considered "brownie" still to be a stretch for me...I did walk with my head a little higher. I have a TAN....apparently! I really don't think I am brown enough to constitute "brownie" but here is the documented evidence that I AM darker than when I arrived. Okay...maybe the picture doesn't show it that much. Compare forearm to leg.

Thirdly, my family sent me the most amazing care package I have ever seen. Imagine Christmas and birthday combined, with a touch of the resurrection thrown in...maybe, maybe you can understand how awesome this care package was. They put so much thought into it that I got pretty much all of my favorite things...just like the song in Sound Of Music. Here are Rose and I enjoying the dried Italian Salami they sent with cream cheese and crackers.

And FINALLY I have developed a sense of humor about the food I eat and THIS was actually really really good!

Surfs Up!

Unlikely though it may seem Jamaica has a National Surfing Team. Although Jamaica is not known for its surfing this area enjoys good waves eight monthes out of the year and the other three monthes are still good from week to week. The president of the Surf Team is "Billy" Wilmot. Somewhat by happen chance another volunteer and I stumbled across the Wilmot family home and surf club in Bull Bay, JA. The place is called "Jamnesia" and if you aren't careful you can miss it as it set back on the beach and has only a small sign. It was so nice! Very laid back and peaceful. People didn't trouble you there like is so often the case in downtown Kingston. Now granted, you always have to be safe and careful. However, my first experience here was relaxing and easy going. No one was bothering me for money or the like and everyone was welcoming in a non pushy way. They introduced themselves and left us alone for the most part. I met Nigel and Alissia, who are cousins. Alissia is on the national team and Nigel is learning. However, they were quick to help us as we fumbled through the water trying to find our balance as it was the first time for both of us. Although the beach isn't great there, it is mostly small pebbles covering the whole thing, it was great because it wasn't full of a bunch of other tourists and it was beautiful and quite. They have quite a nice hammock too which I imagined myself spending hours swinging in and reading in all weekend to get away from work.

From first glance I recommend this place for anyone who wants to surf and spend a relaxing weekend in the Kingston area. You can spend the night for $15 US in small small beach shacks they have set up. The area is clean and I hear Mama Wilmot cooks for visitors if you want to sample some home cooking.