Pruning Time

Today I cut back the leaves of my houseplant. I felt bad...I loved this plant, it gave me such joy to watch it grow and to nourish it. I loved providing life to something...even just a plant, it was a joy and a pride to watch it flourish. I had stopped caring for the plant as I should have in the past 12 weeks. It went without water more often than not, and during a few very hot days I was out of town it was stifled in the bathroom...it hasn't been sitting out in the sun, I used to take it out on my porch every so often so it would get some health rays. It has been neglected.

As I considered this once luscious plant who leaves were now wilted on straggly vines and whose leaves had turned various shades of brown and yellow I felt guilty. Perhaps it would just be easier to throw the thing out, forget how I had failed my little plant and when the time was better get a new one. Just start fresh and over. But I considered the joy I had received from the plant and how it was my doing which caused its sad state.

Should I just cut all the once long beautiful vines so it could restart and maybe come back thicker and healthier?

Putting scissors to it seemed so...hard. To cut away the vines and through that action admit failure...yet I needed to start the conscious process of nursing it back to life. I would like to bring it back to health. The act, although it would require patience, would make me feel fulfilled.

Still, cutting away the old in the hope of something new is an uncomfortable feeling. What if the new does not come?

Jamaica left me with many wilted leaves and straggled vines in my soul, yet also created a root system that had to dig much deeper to grow and thrive. Over the past two and a half years I have struggled to come to terms with this and sort out the experiences which left me parched and empty, as well as those that strengthened and formed me. What if I never look back to Jamaica and confront the memories, wounds, joys and sufferings with the shears in my hand? If I never start dealing with the damage...how can I fully come back to health? I believe healing is possible for all wounds...but it requires courage...walking forward even when you are afraid of what you will find...and what if I fail? Still...a leaf here, and vine there...water consistently. Healing is possible. Better to cut off a few yellowing leaves then ignore all of them because I am afraid I will never come back fully to life. It is time to start pruning. I will do the best I can. And for me, pruning begins with writing, and writing, and writing...until things become real. And Peace reigns in my heart once again. Adonai...water me, refresh me, help me grow.

Dear Family and Friends,

I am so thankful to have been afforded the opportunity to serve God’s children here in Jamaica. There have been numerous challenges and moments of great grace. Through being here I have come to love the mentally disabled population in a way that I never would have been able to experience had I been closed to the idea of Jamaica. Up until this time I was always a little cautious around them as I had some scary experiences when I was little with some mentally disabled people. Working with the residence within Mustard Seed I feel as if my heart has grown so much bigger and I truly love them. Before I came I meditated on the words of Our Lord to St. Francis Assisi in working with the lepers.

"Francis, if thou desirest to know My will, thou must despise and hate all that thou hast loved and wished for till now. Let not this new path alarm thee, for, if the things which now please thee must become bitter and distasteful, those which now displease thee, will become sweet and agreeable."

It is with much joy that I can say this has been the case with me. This specific population within our world has become most sweet and agreeable. I never would have been able to have the strength to do the work I have been doing without all of your prayers. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I also have been able to learn a lot about living in a third world country and how different people can be around the globe! I have been faced with being stereotyped on a daily basis which has widened my perspective and giving me insight into the many who immigrate to the United States.

In being here I have been able to more fully realize my own mission I feel called to by the Lord. As surprising as it may be to many people back at home I am so fulfilled and at peace with the idea of working with the disabled for the rest of my life. I have been discerning the Lord’s will for me and what would be most pleasing to him, desiring always to say Fiat, whatever that will may be. As I worked with the residents here I began to search online for an occupation that I could have while working with the disabled. I found Occupational Therapy. After researching I realized that this would be ideal for my personality and future work with the disabled. Days after I came to this decision Angela Langer, who is an OT, came back to Mustard Seed. I was able to spend time talking to her about her experiences in Occupational Therapy and see the wonderful work she has done here within Mustard Seed. I found a program that offers a Masters in Occupational Therapy which starts in the spring semester of 2009. There is one class that I would have to take as a prereq in the fall however. I have prayed about this decision and have been able to talk to my spiritual director over the phone. I am planning on pursuing a degree in Occupational Therapy so I can continue the mission the Lord has set me on. I am so thankful that he has opened up so many doors during this short time and giving me a sense of fulfillment.

I'm coming home tomorrow to begin to acclimate back into my own country and prepare for the upcoming school year! I hope you all have enjoyed my blog, after I get back I still might send out some pictures and stories, we'll see what happens. Once again, thank you all for your prayers and I can't wait to see everyone!!

May the Peace of Christ be with you,

Angela Santoro

Another Typical Work Day

Holding baby Nathanial and short term volunteer Michael holding yet another "Kemar".



One of the favorite parts of my day - helping to feed the children.


Just loving.
Janell and I

















Working on Coordination through the hand slapping game.

I love this one!

More Group Therapy.

Our children spend an hour everyday in front of the Eucharist - this is one of our nicest chapels.

Kingston Transportation

What can I say? Horns honking all the time. Taxi drivers shouting out the area they are going to. People grabbing your arm to try and pull you to their taxi. School children all over the place on the buses, holding each other's backpacks out the windows of moving buses, yelling for an hour straight. Fitting eight people into a five person vehicle. Sitting on strange people's laps. Having strange people sit on your lap. Putting your arm up around someone you don't know because it won't fit anywhere. Sweat, reggae, R&B, close shaves with other automobiles. Street fights between taxi drivers as they try to "steal" passengers from each other. This is all part of Kingston living when you use public transportation. The following video put up on youtube.com by a short term volunteer we took around doesn't show it all...but it gives you a little of the flava'! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rm1IM1At88

A Typical Day in Jerusalem in Pictures

Giving Kemar a chance to hold Raven.













Art Therapy with Kemar Barrett and Vinroy.

Andrew Barrett- one of Kemar's three brothers.



Jason and Kemar hanging out.











Shameeka


Getting together with some of the Little Angels students before rosary. The tall boy on the left I like to call "birds eye" because he is so tall!



Jason patiently waiting for my leftovers from lunch.


Althea, better known as "Ziggy", helping out with the laundry. Some of our sheep in the background.







A higgler outside of our gates. This is one of the nicest shops I have seen.

Julette has been at this location for 16 years.


















Shantal drawing pictures for me during school break.




Shaunette learning how to trace her name over my dotted lines.


My boys, Rasheed and Lorenzo. The staff laughes because everyday they can find me sending someone up in the Mango tree and sitting around with the boys eating the mangos. I like to tell them it falls under the category of group therapy. :)


I love how the kids help each other in the ways that they can. Everyday around 11:30 "Bird's Eye" and Nyron Barrett come by the room I sit in sometimes on their break and call my name out. Nyron is another of Kemar's brothers.


Nyron Barrett and "Bird's Eye"

A Sweet Story

This young lady's name is Mary. She is in her teens and as far as I know has been at Mustard Seed since she was a toddler. I love to sit next to her at Mass on Sundays. She is so exuberant in praising God through the music and being attentive during Mass. She has a speech impediment so it is hard to understand what she is saying but after you spend sometime with her you begin to catch on.

Two days ago I went up to her and asked her, "Mary, where is Jesus." She got a big grin and just laughed at me. Still I insisted, "Mary, WHERE is Jesus??". She stood up and took my hand. She waved her free hand around Sophie's Place and said "Look! Jesus is everywhere!"
"Jesus, is everywhere Mary? SHOW me! Show me where Jesus is."
Keeping a firm grip on my wrist she walked me to the first cottage where our children were sitting in wheelchairs and pointed inside.
"Jesus. Jesus - in there."
"Really?? Jesus, is in there?"
"Yea!"
She pulled me to the next cottage and pointed inside at the children.
"Jesus. Jesus right here!"
"Wow, Mary! Jesus IS everywhere"
She was laughing as she said "yea!"
As soon as we got through all the cottages she said
"Come on!" and pulled me to the church.
"Jesus is here." she told me.
"well, show me!"
She smiled and opened the door, walked through the church and drew me the side room where we have the eucharistic chapel. She stopped outside the door.
"Jesus is in here."
"Mary, show me..."
She pulled open the door and walked up to the tabernacle and laid her hand on the door.
"Angela - Jesus is here." She turned around and went to sit in a chair in front of the tabernacle. As I sat next to her holding her hand I felt such overwhelming grace in that moment. How Jesus must love these little ones.

Let The Children Come to Me!

"And they were bringing children to him, that he might touch them; and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it he was indignant, and said to them, "Let the children come to me, do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands upon them." Mark 10: 13 -16

There are so many things I could talk about, I don't know where to begin. The past two weeks have been very good in terms of working with the children. I always say children but we have all age ranges. But they all seem like children to me because that is how we treat them, as our children.

One of the things I don't think I have mentioned before is that on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday when I work in "Jerusalem!" I have been leading the children from the school in a decade of rosary for prayer before lunch and teaching them about the different decades. The children consist of higher functioning residents with disabilities and our Dare to Care kids. I always think it is awesome to see them coming in and out of the chapel. The residents that can walk and the Dare to Care's help to wheel the children in and out. At the end of prayer time all the children sing and then the ones in the wheelchairs come out first and the ones that can walk have to wait until they are gone to go running out for their lunch. This picture is so beautiful to me for so many reasons and also seems to embody Christ's word's - Let the children come to me!

When in Jerusalem I have been taking small groups of children to engage in group therapy with. Basically I just try to make them laugh at me or the world around them - whatever it takes. I divided the groups in terms of cognitive development and ages. Each group needs something a little different and some children are MUCH easier to make laugh than others. Depending on the group we play "Go Fish", concentration (which I love to play because I always win), practice skipping, sing songs, do the Hokie Pokie and Heads and Shoulders, read books, draw with crayons, play with blocks, and pretty much whatever else I might feel like doing that day. Its a hard life. :) I usually do two groups on Monday and Tuesday.

For the past two weeks I have been helping the caregivers feed the children. This was something that I viewed as the hardest thing people did around here when I first came. However, having really entered into the past two weeks, it has become the most enjoyable time of my day. Each child is completely unique in their physical ability, this of course plays an effect on how well their muscles will be able to work together for what I have learned from the Occupational Therapist here as the three phases of the swallow. I never thought about swallowing before but for our children it is a crucial thing to know about them. Sadly, many children have died in the past because they have inhaled food into their lungs due to the fact that their bodies are not well coordinated enough to do what our bodies do naturally to keep the food from going down into our lungs. It is crucial to understand how to best feed each individual as aspiration pneumonia is the leading cause of death for our children. I would love to go into the three phases of swallowing but I want you to continue to read through my blog. :) So, I'll spare you. At any rate, there are many different things involved in feeding such as body positions, massaging of the jaws and food consistency, to name a few of the aspects.

I have been truly blessed to have made the friendship with Rose since coming to Jamaica. I have mentioned her before, she is another volunteer from Holland. Rose and I keep each other laughing and we have been enjoying life in Jamaica as best we can. Whether it is through city bus windows, through the children, or as in a recent weekend traveling to Montego Bay for a couple days to get out of Kingston. She has made my life so much sweeter here by her enthusiasm, high spiritedness, kindness, and laughter. The trip to Montego Bay was a blast. The journey was almost better than the time we spent there. I specifically wanted to go to see a friend who has been working in Jamaica but was leaving to visit his family and Rose was going to spend time with one of her friends. We separated once we got to Mo Bay, but both of us enjoyed our time. I didn't even go anywhere. I just relaxed and hung out with my friend, Sean. It was great! Like I said though, the trip was a riot! We stopped so many times on the way there to taste local food and take pictures. The trip distance of the trip can be judged as either five hours or eight courses. We didn't eat an entire meal the whole day but we ate roadside food the whole way there. Local river shrimp, fresh corn, pineapple, grapes, coconut water and jelly, fish. We are so blessed to have a good friend like Noah who was willing to take us all they way to Montego Bay and back. We also drove through the world famous Bamboo Archway of Jamaica. It was pretty incredible! You can see Noah taking Rose completely off guard below in the archway! The view of Montego Bay from the place I was staying at, the countryside on the way home, and typical roadside stalls.